They Came, They Didn’t Conquer: What America Remembers About Oasis

Filed under: Blog — Ken @ 1:04 pm December 23, 2009

gallery_pic2620“What the hell did they say?”

If you grew up in America in the 90s, that was probably your response to seeing the Oasis brothers, Liam and Noel Gallagher, on TV. Whether it was giving a drunken interview or belligerently reacting to reporters, it was cockney incoherence at its finest. At least you got a little help from the bleeped out parts- you knew they were either saying ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’.

Do you remember when they were on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine in 1996? I do. I cut it out and hung it in my locker (jealous?). The cover said: “They’re hard drinking, groupie shagging, drug snorting louts. They’re the Gallagher Brothers. And they’re HUGE.”

Ok, Rolling Stone. Here’s the thing. They weren’t fucking huge.

Not in America they weren’t. It was still all about grunge here. This country’s teenagers were more infatuated with Marilyn Manson and Rage Against The Machine then they ever were with some annoying panzees from England who sang sappy, 60s inspired ballads. Sure, Oasis found some success in America, with singles from their second album reaching very high on the Billboard charts. But the overall idea of the band, rooted in a very distinctly British theme, was no more than a passing moment of popularity in America.

But anyway, it’s not like Oasis didn’t have a chance. They did. But when America was paying the most attention, they failed. Here are three moments you may remember.

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Oasis Review

God save the Queen… Ken’s starting an Oasis cover band! But when he forces Willie to join, it begs the question- was Oasis the second coming of the Beatles, or were they the second coming of last night’s dinner? Get ready to laugh, cry, sing and barf as Ken and Willie take on the “greatest band in the world!”

Mr. Carosi’s 7 Steps to Better Beach Club Management

Filed under: Blog — Ken @ 2:07 am December 4, 2009

Picture 10Sand and wave proprietors! Ocean lodge officials! Do you wish to improve your resort’s membership levels and provide improved services to said members? Well look no further, friend, because the great LEON CAROSI is here to offer you his top secret tricks of the beach resort trade!

Step #1 – No Zack Morris’s!

When selecting your resort’s staff, it’s extremly important to choose employees who are submissive, malleable, and generally afraid of you! Zack Morris fits neither of these descriptions! Do not hire a Zack Morris! He will dine in the member’s restaurant on his lunch breaks! He will mock you for your weight problems behind your back! He will not vote for Stacey at the 4th of July paegent even though you placed him on the judge’s panel for the sole reason that he vote for her!!! While we’re at it, do not hire a Screech Powers as well! Actually, any employee who is recommended by Lisa Turtle’s family should be strictly avoided!

Step #2 – Put Your Hard Nosed Daughter from New York in Charge!

My beautiful daughter, Stacey (a proud Carosi in her own right!), will know how to seperate the sand slaves from the beach bums off the staff! She may be a long way from the mean streets of New York City, but squashing California Zack’s spirit isn’t very different from squashing the guts of a common cockroach in a New York City dwelling! (more…)