You know, it’s remarkable that no one in the real world has ever taken it upon themselves to become Batman. After all, there’s nothing really magical about the guy. Batman is just an average Joe, fed up with all the guff of the world. We’re right you know.
Just think about it. Aren’t you fed up with your retarded job at Game Stop? Batman would be. Do you still live in a dark, dank, underground cave also known as your parent’s basement? Batman lives in a cave. Are there no sexy Catwomen in your life to tickle your balls of yarn? BATMAN DOESN’T NEED WOMEN.
Put the pieces together, and the picture slowly comes into focus. That’s right.
You are Batman!!!
So guess what!
It’s time to take out that costume, Caped Crusader, because the real world needs a hero, and you’re sad enough to play the fool!
We know you may feel silly or even wildly embarrassed dressing up like Batman. Don’t. That’s what Robins are for. They’re like… a shame magnet. Or a vacuum of shame. Or a black hole of shame. Or the shame that shame feels in its private moments… of shame. Just trust us. That shy, smiley, effeminate guy who works at 7-11 would gladly be your Robin! Or maybe that twelve year old kid from down the street who you sort of consider your best friend would work. Whatever. Just don’t skimp on this one.
Hey girls! Feeling left out? Want to be a symbol of truth and justice just like Batman? Don’t worry- you can, too! Just leave the truth and justice part to the men and try on this skimpy, demeaning batgirl lingerie instead. Think of yourself more as… a cheerleader for Team Batman! GOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!!!
Alright, we’ve put a lot of Bat Wisdom on your plate. But maybe you’re tired of justice and all that do-gooding is cramping your style (ala the world rejected you, even when you tried to save it (selfish bastards!)). WELL. Maybe it’s time to get revenge… by putting a SMIIIIIIIIILLLLLE on their faces… and yours! That’s right- as the Joker, you’ll have the last laugh when all the passed out clown babes are falling into your lap!!!
ATTENTION: ANIMAL FRIENDS!
Are you perpetually frustrated that Batman is ALWAYS portrayed as a human, despite the obvious fact that’s he’s supposedly part bat??? Well, you’re closer to a bat than a human ever was- here’s your chance to right this wrong! But don’t wait for your human “owners” to suit you snugly into that little costume of cuteness- take matters into your own paws, and avenge the night!
We’re right you know.
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