South Park: Spring Season Review

Filed under: Blog — Tags: , , , , , — Ken @ 6:46 pm April 30, 2010

SouthPark1403Now that we’ve reached the halfway point of the South Park season, it would be a good time to take stock on how 2010 has fared so far. It’s no surprise that the show has been a mixed bag of results this season (much as the last few seasons). But this is season14, and it’s REALLY getting up there in age. Results aside, my overriding feeling about the show is this: disconnection. I feel an increasing disconnection from what South Park has become. Too often, the episodes are misguided, the plots are uneven, and the jokes are unintelligent, rehashed, or just bad. For a show that’s succeeded far beyond Trey’s, Matt’s, and Comedy Central’s wildest dreams, I fear South Park is entering an era of irrelevance.

14-1: Sexual Healing

I’ve learned you can just about throw away a South Park season premeire, as they have been consistently shitty for many years now. These are the episodes where Trey and Matt try to spin the off-season’s biggest news story into an often preachy, obvious, and unentertaining episode. Trey and Matt certainly suffer from the time off between seasons, and the results are overwrought and boring. Here they take on the Tiger Woods story, trying to correlate it to a video game in the process. I couldn’t even watch this one to the end. D-

14-2: The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs

For some misguided reason, Trey and Matt decided to go after J.D. Salinger in this episode, and the result is disgustingly painful. There’s about 10 seconds of redeemable content- the montage where the boys write the book as a satirical, sunshine-and-smiles acoustic song plays. Ok, the language in the book could have been funny. The vomitting IS NOT. It’s actually so unfunny, it’s shaken my belief in this show. Honestly, It’s not even worth writing about, it’s such a bad episode. On a side note, I hate what they’ve done with Butters- he has too much attitude. F

(more…)

Observations of Kick-Ass, the R Rated Movie

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 10:13 pm April 28, 2010

kickass3_gallery_primaryOh, hello, I’m Willie Simpson, and I’ve made a few observations about things in the world related to the movie Kick Ass.

#1.  This movie is rated R!

#2.  I thought the movie was good, but some people I know think its great!  What??

#3.  Teenagers are smart, they have I-Phone’s in cars!

#4.  Teenagers aren’t embarrassed about masturbating like they used to be in the 90s and the 80s!

#5.  I was on the subway, and there was a field trip of little 10 year old kids on the train, and the teacher told them not to read the Kick-Ass movie posters!

#5a.  I saw some kids sneak a peek and they giggled when they read it, but some kids kept their eyes covered!

#6.   Spoiler alert!  The girl in the movie had a scene when she killed a bunch of guys, but it looked like a FPS video game when she was doing it!

#7.   The movie takes place in NYC, but it doesn’t look like NYC, I live in NYC, I know what it looks like, then I read it was filmed in Toronto!

#8.  If they make a prequel, they should call it Kick-Butt, because Butt is less then Ass, chronologically!

(more…)

Ride the Lighting (56K)

Filed under: Blog — Ken @ 4:59 pm April 23, 2010

56Kmodem_onSup, turds.

Hey, you ever surf the ‘net??

Yeah, I bet you have…

I mean REAL surfing, dingus- not that highspeed cable bullshit. That’s not surfing- that’s sucking. 

Yeah you heard me right. You’re SUCKING the ‘net right now. How does that feel???

Shut up! Don’t say “it feels good!”

You SUCK!

If you wanna surf the net like a true god, you gotta UNPLUG THAT TELEPHONE!

DO IT!

You don’t want to miss a phoncall!?!

FUCK YOU!!!

There’s no time for phonecalls from your mommy when you’re curling a sweet tube on AOL’s homepage!!!

Moms suck!

NOT!

Alright- plug IN that PIECE! 

If you’re like me, you use The Ultracom 500. Nothing gives you a ride like the Ultracom! That’s 56 KB/sec of mean, streaming cyberspeed!!!

HYPER-RAD!  (more…)

Superheroes Don’t Do Drugs…. SIKE!

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 10:37 pm April 20, 2010

We’ve watched this 50 times, and we still can’t figure out what’s going on with the beer and rooster.  Any conspiracy theories?

xaNzA

Talkgirl: What a Rip-Off

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 8:56 am

talkgirlSo a few weeks ago, I took it upon myself to go on eBay and purchase a Tiger Talkboy. I couldn’t wait to pull some classic pranks like hiding behind the couch while my asshole friend was on a date, and playing secret messages like, “Hey man, did you fart?” or “Oh man, smells like a fart!” That would put him in his place. 

So the other day, I finally received my package, but something was wrong. First off, the box was bright pink and covered in magic pony stickers. Second, it smelled like day-glo and Easy Bake Oven Cookies. Anyway, I tore it all open, and what did I find?  Not a Talkboy- oh no, sir- but a Talkgirl! What the hell?!?! eBay screwed me again. 

You know how Talkboy slows down your voice to make you sound like a real man?Well, Talkgirl speeds up your voice to make you sound like a prissy 15-year-old girl. But when I gave it some thought, I realized this would actually work better since I already had a man’s voice.

“This is gonna be good!” I said to myself.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Cut to last Friday- the scene of my asshole friend’s big date.  There I was, hiding behind the couch, waiting for my moment. Finally, he went in to make his move. My finger, sweaty from the anticipation, pressed down on the play button, and the fun began.

“Hey asshole, did you fart?” complained a phantom teenage girl.   (more…)

Batman And Robin Review

What happens when you mix Crystal Pepsi and New Coke? You get Batman and Robin, one of the worst commercial concoctions ever brewed. Zip up your molded leather codpiece and throw on your Bat Skates as Willie guides you through the mad horribleness that is Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin.

Talkboy Commercial

Filed under: Blog — Ken @ 1:28 pm April 14, 2010

Home Alone 2 Review

The Home Alone Music Video

Filed under: Blog — Ken @ 7:12 pm April 5, 2010

It’s amazing how well Home Alone synchs up with Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”. You would think other songs and movies synch up like this, too. I guess more people should try it out! But seriously, I do really like how the guitar solo matches up with Marv’s scream at 3:11.

Other potential song choices for this video included Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping”.

Batman Forever Review

Riddle me this, Bat Fans: which Batman movie has the worst title ever??BATMAN FOREVER! Indulge your inner 11-year-old, and take a trip back to this gimmicky, neon, atrocity of a movie. It’ll be playing on the Internet Forever.