On Thanksgiving, Michelle Bachmann Thankful to all the Idiots

MINNESOTA- Michelle Bachmann, US Congresswoman and 2012 GOP competitor for the Presidency, issued a warm Thanksgiving message to all of her followers, especially to the “idiots everywhere who made my career possible.”  Her statement, released on behalf of her campaign, included the following remarks,

“Thanksgiving, America’s greatest holiday, is of course a time for giving thanks.  The tradition started hundreds of years ago when the Christian Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock in peace and goodwill.  The Indians however, forever savage in their Satanically Godless ways, met the Angelic Pilgrims with suspicion and fear.  Scientists from Bob Jones University speculate that this was due to the light emanating from the Pilgrims’ alabaster white skin, which burned the Indians’ evil and naked flesh.  Despite this, the Pilgrims showered the local Indians with gifts of pant-leggings, Christian shame, alcohol, and malaria.  With trust established, and the Indians converted to the teachings of Jesus Christ through the awesome power of the Pilgrim’s charity, a feast was held and thanks were exchanged.  The Pilgrim’s heartily thanked the Indians for being allowed to share their sacred lands.  The Indians were so touched by the Pilgrims love of their land, that they promised to move away forever to Northern Canada and become Eskimos.  The lesson of the giving thanks still holds true to this day.  As I find myself in a race for the White House, I too must give thanks to everybody who put me in this position to succeed.  I want to thank the Evangelicals for their belief that only the most ardent literal believers in the teachings of Jesus Christ should be President.  I want to also thank the Conservative Jews for their desire to back people like myself who hate Muslims.  I want to thank the Tea Party, who never let reason and common sense get in the way of the raw emotional discord and terror that drives the movements engine of intolerance.  I also want to thank all the homophobes, the loners, the racists, the anti-Semites, the gun nuts, the undereducated, the jealous, the hysterical, and the paranoid masses.  And lastly, I want to thank the idiots everywhere who have made my career possible.  You are the ones that have elevated my rantings and egocentric desires for power and prestige, to the main stage of American politics.  Without you, I would not be where I am today.  God Bless.”

 

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