Recently, I made a trip to Han’s Skate Shoppe, the spiritual home base for the 1992 Pee Wee Champion Mighty Ducks. Located in the heart of District 5, it was here that I caught up with Greg Goldberg, the team’s legendary goalie. Goldberg may not be standing guard at the hockey net anymore, but he’s standing guard at the shop’s broom closet as the store’s assistant head janitor. Goldberg, now 32 years old, sat down to give me some revealing insight into what REALLY happened to the Ducks when the cameras weren’t rolling.
WILLIE SIMPSON: First question, whats that smell?
GREG GOLDBERG: Ha ha. Very funny. Wasn’t me, alright.
WS: So Goldberg, how did you end up working at Han’s Skate Shoppe?
GG: Well, let me think back. The Ducks had just beaten Varsity, and Hans died, and Bombay took over the shop, and I flunked outta prep school, and the whole time I was really hungry, so… long story short- I turned my hockey stick into a mop, and 17 years later, the rest is history.
WS: A long way from your heroic hockey days, huh?
GG: Hey! Knock it off! I’m doing just fine, alright. Like, when I clog the toilet, I plunge it before I flush. In a way, its another save for Goldberg.
WS: Sounds like your doing great, what about the other Ducks?
GG: Eh, good and bad, from what I hear, Charlie’s doing pretty well. He grew a mustache… got a tabby cat… And- oh yeah- he’s in a mental institution. Apparently he went crazy because he never made it to the NHL. Yeah… its messed up. I called him up once, and he thinks he plays first line for the Minnesota North Stars. I was like, “Oh really? I never see you play.” And he said that’s because he plays on the Moon. (more…)