Internetclub '91 » Internetclub91

“Hot Tub Time Machine” Meets Apples in Stereo

Willie — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 03:28:42 +0000

“Hot Tub Time Machine” was one of my favorite movies of 2010, and the Apples in Stereo’s “Dream About the Future” was one of my favorite songs of 2010, so I thought I’d combine the two for one epic movie music mash-up. Enjoy!

Horrible Alternate Ending to “Titanic”

Willie — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:51:47 +0000

Check this video out, it’s an actual filmed alternate ending to the 1997 epic James Cameron smash hit, “Titanic”! The clip is a bit long, so I recommend skipping to about 3 minutes in to see how the movie could have ended. Needless to say it is horrible. In the original unaltered ending, we just see Rose throw her billion dollar diamond over the boat without anyone knowing. In this version, the entire crew of the Titanic Recovery boat she’s on confronts her before she does it. Rose gives one last speech about embracing life, but unlike before when her words were inspiring, here they just sound cackling and crazy. Then she lets Bill Paxton touch the diamond for another crazy reason, and proceeds to drive the fat guy with the beard insane by throwing it over. It is interesting to note that the fat guy shouts something like, “hey what’ll my wife think about this??” And its like wow, you’re married? Then it all ends with Bill Paxton trying to hook up with Rose’s granddaughter. I guess he was inspired by Rose story where the message was sex trumps money…Anyway, the point is, if Cameron ended the movie with this cacophonous resolution, the movie would have ending up being a million times worse. I mean, there is no way that this ending was intended as a joke, but it is so comically bad. Give it a whirl folks and let me know what you think.

Fantastic Four 2 Review

Ken — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 03:22:06 +0000

World’s Greatest Laptop!

Willie — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:24:33 +0000

Check out this righteous piece of hardware! I think its a Commodore 64 Million. The I-Pad’s got nothing on this sucker.

Time to Destroy the Mushroom Kingdom with Ninja Magic!

Willie — Fri, 28 May 2010 14:13:21 +0000

Mario is a slow, fat, lazy, jumping plumber from Brooklyn. The guy from Ninja Gaiden is an athletic, throwing star, flipping machine from the mountains of Japan! Watch him destroy goombas, turtles, and the rest of Bower’s minions in this amazing video!

Sega Activator Training Video

Willie — Tue, 25 May 2010 13:22:21 +0000

The Sega Activator seemed amazing at the time, but of course this became one of the stupidest controllers ever. For 80 bucks, you got a large ring that you stand in and wave your arms and legs about like an idiot. Here is the set up and training video you got when you purchased the thing.

Still somehow think the Activator is cool? Well that was a promotional video made by Sega, here is some actual dingbat TV hosts using the thing. They are playing a 2D boxing game, and have to box 2 dimensionally while looking strait ahead at the screen. This is really funny.

The Sega Master System is the Future!

Willie — Fri, 21 May 2010 16:25:36 +0000

I wonder if its just me, but video game commercials from the 1980s still sell me the future better then any modern video game advertisement. Take a look at these ads for the classic Sega Master System. There was something so amazingly other-worldly and awe inspiring about these things. I love the glowing graph paper style motif going on in the whole thing.

My parents never bought me any video game systems, but when I was six or seven years old, my family had these friends we’d visit on Long Island somewhere, and they had a Sega Master System with all the accessories, and like 100 games. I had never seen anything like it. Whenever we went over, it was like stepping into one of these commercials, especially because I only had access to that stuff for an hour or two.

I love this last ad, here we learn about the Master System’s amazing features like scrolling backgrounds, 64 colors (not bits), and digital sounds! And what’s that? Holy shit, 3d video games??? This ad is so awesome that I want all this stuff right now…in 2010!!!

Paul Rudd Has Broken into Our Mainframe!

Willie — Sat, 15 May 2010 13:29:12 +0000

Hackers are everywhere, but celebrity hackers are the worst. Because of their large egos, they invariably use up the most resources. Our security tapes recently caught Paul Rudd breaking into our Internetclub91 mainframe and using our more experimental software.

Humanity Defeated by Urban Planning

Willie — Tue, 11 May 2010 04:00:18 +0000

Check out this video where this guy Vincent Ocasla manages to beat an unbeatable game, ie Sim City 3000. He spent years studying the efficiencies of Sim City design elements and ultimately created this masterpiece of a city known as Magnasanti. It’s a city with the maximum population achievable, zero crime, and flawless transportation. The only downside that it’s an aesthetically uniform police state, with very high pollution, and low life expectancy. Watch, and fear for the future.

Talkgirl: What a Rip-Off

Willie — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 12:56:38 +0000

So a few weeks ago, I took it upon myself to go on eBay and purchase a Tiger Talkboy. I couldn’t wait to pull some classic pranks like hiding behind the couch while my asshole friend was on a date, and playing secret messages like, “Hey man, did you fart?” or “Oh man, smells like a fart!” That would put him in his place.

So the other day, I finally received my package, but something was wrong. First off, the box was bright pink and covered in magic pony stickers. Second, it smelled like day-glo and Easy Bake Oven Cookies. Anyway, I tore it all open, and what did I find? Not a Talkboy- oh no, sir- but a Talkgirl! What the hell?!?! eBay screwed me again.

You know how Talkboy slows down your voice to make you sound like a real man?Well, Talkgirl speeds up your voice to make you sound like a prissy 15-year-old girl. But when I gave it some thought, I realized this would actually work better since I already had a man’s voice.

“This is gonna be good!” I said to myself.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Cut to last Friday- the scene of my asshole friend’s big date. There I was, hiding behind the couch, waiting for my moment. Finally, he went in to make his move. My finger, sweaty from the anticipation, pressed down on the play button, and the fun began.

“Hey asshole, did you fart?” complained a phantom teenage girl.

The room fell silent with the shock of what was just heard.

“Got him!” I giddily thought to myself. I was on top of the world.

But as his date started laughing, my asshole friend reached behind the couch and snatched the Talkgirl out of my hand.

“What the fuck!” he said. “I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

“Oh shit,” I thought. “They never get caught in the commercial. I didn’t plan for this!”

My asshole friend clenched his fist and brought it hehind his head. I closed my eyes, ready to receive a blow.

That’s when his date exclaimed, “Ohh a Talkgirl! I loved this thing!”

I slowly opened one eye. My asshole friend lowered his fist, and turned towards his date.

“I got it just for you, baby,” he said. ”Surprise.”

“Come here, Tiger!” she replied.

And then they made out for like 20 minutes! Damn it!

I tried to leave the room, but my asshole friend made me sit there and watch. Fuck!

So not only did my asshole friend score big time on his date, but he gave away my Talkgirl. Now he’s got another date for next Tuesday. He may have won the battle, but he hasn’t won the war. That’s right- just wait till he goes for a kiss next Tuesday when some well placed GAK gets in the way!