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SallyStruthersSP

We all do!  But what can you do, you’re an uneducated slob with a horrible streak of agoraphobia!  Well, luckily, so is Sally Struthers, and she has used her massive star power to bring you the ICS, or International Correspondence School!  Jealous of all your friends who went to Harvard?  Feel intimidated by their fancy degrees in medicine and philosophy?  Well, there are a million doctors, but never a man with an Air Conditioner Repair/Florist degree around when you need em!  Parents telling you to stop jerking off and go back to school?  Well, now you can shut them up by majoring in High School with a minor in Gun Repair, while still playing Nintendo all morning!  And if they still give you lip, well, good luck to them when their guns break and they can’t shoot criminals.   Enjoy these classic Sally Struthers commercials from 1991 of all years, and yes phone number still works!  (Its a sex line now!)

1991 Compuserve Internet Commercial

Filed under: Blog — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — Ken @ 2:56 pm August 31, 2010

If only airplanes could fly out of my computer screen again…ah, the good old days…

Wendy’s Training Videos

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 8:08 am August 27, 2010

Wendy’s rules.  When it comes to fast food, I always opt for Wendy’s if I can.  The square hamburgers, the fresh buns, the crispy nuggets, the hot chili on a cold winter day…nothing beats Wendy’s.  The real question is, how?   How is Wendy’s so good and fresh tasting when all other fast food places taste artificial and bland?  I always thought it was Wendy herself, tirelessly experimenting with flavors and secret grilling methods…it turns out the REAL answer is Wendy’s excellent training videos that transforms regular employees into rock stars!  Little known fact, Wendy’s co founder Dave Thomas wrote and produced all of these songs, and that’s no lie Jack!

VIDEO # 1, Hot Drinks, where we learn the serious difference between brewing regular and de-caf coffee…

VIDEO #2- Cold Drinks, a groundbreaking rap song exploring the difficulties of controlling foam in the auto soft drink machines.

VIDEO # 3- Got to Serve the Drinks, ok, people, you’re just not getting it!  I thought the first two videos taught you everything about serving drinks, but I was wrong, and for the LOVE OF GOD, DON’T FORGET THE CHILI BOWLS!

VIDEO # 4, Chili can be served with cheese, frostys come in four sizes, don’t serve expired milk, and cookies should never be broken!

SNES, Pepsi, and Bo Jackson

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 8:35 pm August 18, 2010

I can’t think of 3 things form the 90s more iconic than the dazzling, 16-bit glory of the SNES, the exciting, alternative taste of Pepsi, and the bone crushing power of ultra athlete, Bo Jackson. The question is, what would happen if you put all three together? Would aliens come down to Earth?  Would the city of Atlantis rise from the watery depths?  Would Cindy Crawford’s mole fall off?  Scientists have speculated for years, but don’t you know it, a meeting DID occur between these three titans of 90s iconography, and it went a little bit like this…

Awesome X-Men Intros!

Filed under: Blog,Willie Simpson — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Willie Simpson @ 8:57 am August 9, 2010

In my latest review of the X-Men: The Animated Series, I talk about how iconic the theme music is, and how they should have used it for the movies.  Well, people on the internet had the same idea, so here is a cool clip of footage edited from all X Movies set to the iconic X-Men theme.  Also, as a bonus, I’ve included a clip from the introduction for the Japanese version of X-Men.  Apparently, the animation style in the American X-Men intro wasn’t good enough for more discriminating Japanese cartoon tastes, so the producers made an amazing Anime style one to draw in  viewers across the Pacific.  Enjoy.

X-Men Animated Series Review, Pt 1

Filed under: Superhero Club Review — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — Ken @ 8:58 pm August 8, 2010

90s TGIF Shows

TGIF main picThank Goodness It’s Friday.

Since it’s the beginning of the weekend, what do ya say we take a trip back…way back…

To the early 90s. 

Don’t be scared! Zubaz can’t hurt you- they really can’t!

Are you ready?

Ok. Imagine what Friday was like a long time ago. You’re sitting in school, it’s 2nd maybe 3rd grade. At 3 o’clock, the bell rings and the school week is finally over. For the next 66 hours, you are free. For the rest of the afternoon you’re gonna be running, jumping, and screaming outside! When you get home, you find Dad picked up McDonald’s for dinner. Excellent! Next, it’s time for some video games. Man, what a rush! I hope this feeling NEVER ends!

Then it’s 8 o’clock.

And you know what that means.

Before there was the Internet, and before there was the independence of adulthood, there was only one thing to do on a Friday night. I’m talking, of course, about the TGIF lineup on ABC.

“Family Matters”, “Full House”, “Step By Step”, “Boy Meets World”, “Perfect Strangers”, “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper”, “Sabrina The Teenage Witch”, “Dinosaurs”- TGIF was the place for many a warm memory around the old TV box with Ma and Pa. 

It was the age of sitcom perfection, or as I like call it- “The High Sitcom”. No not stoner high you idiot- like ”High Modernism” or “High Classical”.

It was the era of genius ideas.

Here’s a show for you: 3 single men living together and raising 3 young girls. A house of love- a house full of laughs. FULL HOUSE.

Or: Middle class black family and the lovably geeky kid next door. Hard work matters. Love matters. ”Did I do that?” FAMILY MATTERS. 

Or: Dinosaur family doing dinosaur things in dinosaur times. DINOSAURS.

You can watch these shows now on Nick at Nite and TBS, but it just isn’t the same as that magical block of programming on Friday nights in the 90s called TGIF.

Over the next few Fridays, I plan to feature each TGIF show in its own blog post, and go further in depth about each of these 90s sitcoms.

To get started, I was interested to know which show you would like to see profiled next Friday. Please share your memories!

“Hey Sandy” Lyrics: Debating the Theme Song to Pete & Pete

Filed under: Blog — Tags: , , , , , , — Ken @ 6:10 pm May 19, 2010

I think a lot of people would agree that part of what made “The Adventures of Pete & Pete” so great was the dreamy, alternarock soundtrack performed by the indie-rock band Polaris. The theme song, ”Hey Sandy”, was like a sweet, oozy dream syrup dripping into the happy glands of Generation Y’s collective brain sponge.

With the lush, green, suburban backdrop, this made for a completely unforgettable opening to one of the best kids show of all-time.

But to the naked ear, it’s impossible to decipher the lyrics to this song!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I was able to find a transcription:

HEY SANDY

Hey smilin’ strange
You’re lookin’ happily deranged
Could you settle to shoot me?
Or have you picked your target yet?

Hey Sandy
Don’t you talk back,
Hey Sandy

Four feet away
End of speech, it’s the end of the day
We was only funnin’
But guiltily I thought you had it comin’

Hey Sandy
Don’t you talk back,
Hey Sandy

Ohhhh-kayyyy… So that’s how it goes? The “Pete and Pete” theme song is a pre-Columbine ode to slacker violence?

“We was only “funnin’?”

No offence, Polaris, but this song is fucking stupid.