We all do!  But what can you do, you’re an uneducated slob with a horrible streak of agoraphobia!  Well, luckily, so is Sally Struthers, and she has used her massive star power to bring you the ICS, or International Correspondence School!  Jealous of all your friends who went to Harvard?  Feel intimidated by their fancy degrees in medicine and philosophy?  Well, there are a million doctors, but never a man with an Air Conditioner Repair/Florist degree around when you need em!  Parents telling you to stop jerking off and go back to school?  Well, now you can shut them up by majoring in High School with a minor in Gun Repair, while still playing Nintendo all morning!  And if they still give you lip, well, good luck to them when their guns break and they can’t shoot criminals.   Enjoy these classic Sally Struthers commercials from 1991 of all years, and yes phone number still works!  (Its a sex line now!)

VIDEO # 1, Hot Drinks, where we learn the serious difference between brewing regular and de-caf coffee…

VIDEO #2- Cold Drinks, a groundbreaking rap song exploring the difficulties of controlling foam in the auto soft drink machines.

VIDEO # 3- Got to Serve the Drinks, ok, people, you’re just not getting it!  I thought the first two videos taught you everything about serving drinks, but I was wrong, and for the LOVE OF GOD, DON’T FORGET THE CHILI BOWLS!

VIDEO # 4, Chili can be served with cheese, frostys come in four sizes, don’t serve expired milk, and cookies should never be broken!

I can’t think of 3 things form the 90s more iconic than the dazzling, 16-bit glory of the SNES, the exciting, alternative taste of Pepsi, and the bone crushing power of ultra athlete, Bo Jackson. The question is, what would happen if you put all three together? Would aliens come down to Earth?  Would the city of Atlantis rise from the watery depths?  Would Cindy Crawford’s mole fall off?  Scientists have speculated for years, but don’t you know it, a meeting DID occur between these three titans of 90s iconography, and it went a little bit like this…

Since it’s the beginning of the weekend, what do ya say we take a trip back…way back…

To the early 90s. 

Don’t be scared! Zubaz can’t hurt you- they really can’t!

Are you ready?

Ok. Imagine what Friday was like a long time ago. You’re sitting in school, it’s 2nd maybe 3rd grade. At 3 o’clock, the bell rings and the school week is finally over. For the next 66 hours, you are free. For the rest of the afternoon you’re gonna be running, jumping, and screaming outside! When you get home, you find Dad picked up McDonald’s for dinner. Excellent! Next, it’s time for some video games. Man, what a rush! I hope this feeling NEVER ends!

Then it’s 8 o’clock.

And you know what that means.

Before there was the Internet, and before there was the independence of adulthood, there was only one thing to do on a Friday night. I’m talking, of course, about the TGIF lineup on ABC.

“Family Matters”, “Full House”, “Step By Step”, “Boy Meets World”, “Perfect Strangers”, “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper”, “Sabrina The Teenage Witch”, “Dinosaurs”- TGIF was the place for many a warm memory around the old TV box with Ma and Pa. 

It was the age of sitcom perfection, or as I like call it- “The High Sitcom”. No not stoner high you idiot- like ”High Modernism” or “High Classical”.

It was the era of genius ideas.

Here’s a show for you: 3 single men living together and raising 3 young girls. A house of love- a house full of laughs. FULL HOUSE.

Or: Middle class black family and the lovably geeky kid next door. Hard work matters. Love matters. ”Did I do that?” FAMILY MATTERS. 

Or: Dinosaur family doing dinosaur things in dinosaur times. DINOSAURS.

You can watch these shows now on Nick at Nite and TBS, but it just isn’t the same as that magical block of programming on Friday nights in the 90s called TGIF.

Over the next few Fridays, I plan to feature each TGIF show in its own blog post, and go further in depth about each of these 90s sitcoms.

To get started, I was interested to know which show you would like to see profiled next Friday. Please share your memories!

With the lush, green, suburban backdrop, this made for a completely unforgettable opening to one of the best kids show of all-time.

But to the naked ear, it’s impossible to decipher the lyrics to this song!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I was able to find a transcription:

HEY SANDY

Hey smilin’ strange
You’re lookin’ happily deranged
Could you settle to shoot me?
Or have you picked your target yet?

Hey Sandy
Don’t you talk back,
Hey Sandy

Four feet away
End of speech, it’s the end of the day
We was only funnin’
But guiltily I thought you had it comin’

Hey Sandy
Don’t you talk back,
Hey Sandy

Ohhhh-kayyyy… So that’s how it goes? The “Pete and Pete” theme song is a pre-Columbine ode to slacker violence?

“We was only “funnin’?”

No offence, Polaris, but this song is fucking stupid.